Discipline

Tonight, I had to be a hard-ass. I did not intend this at the beginning of the night, but I knew nearly an hour before it happened that it might be necessary. I have held the title of leader for over a year in one capacity or another, but this is the first time that I've had to truly rebuke someone from that position. (I did once throw someone out of my room for disrespecting my friends and guests, but that was without any real authority.) This was my first case of using authority to discipline someone. What's more, it was for attempting to circumvent or undermine my authority.

I did not like what I had to do. I have suffered such chastisements before (thankfully, no more than words were needed tonight). But I did not feel guilty. I cannot claim that it was the office I held that spoke in my stead, nor would I want to. I was speaking. The effect on me was very real. But such behavior without the authority, and I would feel the need to seek forgiveness. I feel no such need. I was in the right. Even before others confirmed to me that I was in the right, I knew.

For the longest time, I have held the view that the government has the right to do things that citizens do not. Capital punishment is, clearly, not the same thing as murder. Neither is war. But now I can understand in a way of which I had previously been ignorant the way in which these things affect the agents of government. More thoughts on this topic fill my mind, but I do not presume to write these half-formed musings into writing. In fact, I may have already said too much.

Virtues

Some time ago, I came across the Maltese Cross:

This was of no great significance to me, except for the symbolism. The eight external points represent the eight chivalric virtues of Loyalty, Piety, Frankness, Bravery, Glory and Honor, Contempt of Death, Helpfulness to the Poor and Sick, and Respect for the Church. I began thinking of what each of these may mean:

Loyalty: Always remain true and faithful to those who love you and those whom you love.
Piety: Always give first praise and glory to the Lord your God, and worship Him with all your heart.
Frankness: Always speak the truth without balking, even when it is unpleasant to either yourself or the hearer. Neither lie nor hold back, especially in matters of conviction.
Bravery: Never let fear turn you from what you know to be a right course of action.
Glory and Honor: Always give respect and tribute to those who have earned it with right action, justice, and mercy, and ever strive to be worthy of such high compliments yourself
Contempt of Death: Never fear death as a monster, but view it as your enemy with whom you must one day join in battle. Death is brought about by sin, and so must be hated, but is powerless in the face of God, and so must never be feared.
Helpfulness to the Poor and Sick: Always help those whom it is within your power to help, even if this is comprised of no more than pointing them to someone who can better aid them.
Respect for the Church: Always give due respect to the body of believers that constitute the Church. This is not summed up in politeness but by seeking to protect the honor of Christ's bride with openness, integrity, and honesty.

Two things you may notice: these are inherently Christian and Spiritual, and there is no mention of politeness or courtesy. First of all, this is because Chivalry was invented within an inherently Christian system—other honor codes suit well other religions or atheistic traditions. Secondly, being polite—especially to the degree of Political Correctness prevalent in today's society—is not a virtue. To unnecessarily insult someone is not Chivalrous because it denies the virtue of Glory and Honor, but to hold off telling the truth for fear of offense is just as bad.
I am not living by these standards. I'd love it if I were, but I'm not this good yet. Nonetheless, these are my goals for behavior. What are your views on the matter?

Essay Writing

So, my expository writing class will probably be the source of a lot of the things I write here in the near future. On the plus side, the ideas I've been generating for future blogs will be very helpful in choosing essay topics, which I will in turn post here (though not without revision).

I'm beginning to wonder about my motivations for many of the things I do. I won't explore this fully now, but I felt like putting the generic idea out there in the world.

Self-Context and Received Texts

I am currently taking a writing class, and I am proud enough of this assigned journal to post it. Let me know what you think. (Sorry if it seems a little... off. I relied heavily on terms that came up in class.)

In many ways, self-context functions as a limiting agent in all texts we encounter (I should specify that while we established the many possible meanings of 'text' in class, I hear refer primarily to written text). No one can truly understand that which is outside one's own realm of experience, and the effect is even worse if one has an experience which seems similar to the text, but which is in fact quite different. When one knows nothing of the topic being written, the context is lacking, but if personal context leads us down a false trail, we not only fail to understand the author, we fail to understand our failure.

In other ways, this same self-context serves as an invaluable helper. This is most apparent when we share experience with the author because it shows us something we can relate to, but may say it better than we have, or vary just enough that it expands our experience by building onto our existing context. This building of context is a primary means of making ourselves bigger people—people more worth knowing—who may in turn share their experiences with others and help those others to become bigger people themselves. Through this gradual widening of experience, any member of the human race who interacts with others is advanced. This, as I see it, is the primary mode of operation for self-context and any text we receive.

There is, however, yet one more contextual effect that is as much greater than shared experience as a false similarity is worse than a lack of connection. This highest effect of context is when the recipient of a text has an experience wholly unlike that on which the author drew when communicating, but which still has a real connection to the text. Whether the recipient and author shared the author's intended experience no longer seems necessary, because the text begins to take on a life of its own. The recipient can then have a burst of truly original thought—this may, in fact, be the only time this can ever happen in real life—because the idea came neither from the reader nor the writer, but was formed through their exchange. This process is in many ways like the bearing of children, with the author siring an idea, but the new concept being carried to term and birthed by the recipient of the text.

It could be there are other ways that a context could function than these I have listed, but these seem the most primal. Either the context helps or hinders understanding. Hindering could be as little as a full stop or as much as a wrong-mindedness, and helping could be so small as to understand or so great as to conceive of something truly new. In my context, these forms exhaust all possible options.

Anniversaries

Three years ago today I met the girl who would become my first real girlfriend (Second if you count Sammy). Two years ago yesterday she broke up with me. If the two dates weren't so close together, I doubt I would remember either of them now.

Three years ago, today fell on a Wednesday, and it was the first day of Freshman Orientation. Today is a Sunday, and I missed church because I was working on a project for one of my extracurriculars. I don't plan to make a habit of this, it just happened to work out that way today.

I got the last of my things moved in yesterday, thanks to my parents, and now I only need 5 books to have all of my materials for the semester. Three years ago today, I was a scared little freshman meeting my first roommate other than my brother for the first time. Two years ago today, I had already gotten over my relationship of ten months and was comforting the very girl who had just broken up with me the day before. One year ago today, I was having fun and eagerly anticipating "the Main Event" (which, this year, was yesterday--I didn't attend).

Every now and then, I like to think of anniversaries like this. Not the ones people really celebrate, but those that we sort of gloss over. Some people even try to avoid them. But I find that they give a greater perspective to my life.

Eight years ago today, I was silently celebrating the birthday of the girl I had a crush on, but didn't ever talk to.

When I think of anniversaries, I feel connected to the world as a whole. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, live isolated in the present tense. At all times I feel the twin pulls of destiny and heritage, of future and past.

One year from today, Lord willing, I'll be in Los Angeles.

When I think of people always living in the present, I feel sad for them. It isn't pity, but genuine sadness. No matter how happy they are, their lives are so small, because they refuse to acknowledge the past and the future as part of themselves. Already, my ancestors define who I am. Should I be so lucky as to have descendants, they will continue to redefine me for so long as my line perseveres. This is, in large part, why I am an optimist. In the perspective of so much time, what can my small problems mean? And with God guiding all of eternity, for what wondrous achievements might my small goods lay the groundwork?

Seeking Conspirators

I really want to take out a want ad along the lines of "Genius Seeking Conspirators to Take Over Government From Within." It would be sort of a social experiment. First of all, would the paper even run it? Then there's the question of whether you'd be arrested for posting such an ad. I would of course wonder how many people would respond, and what types of people would do it too.

For the record, I don't have a conspiracy to take over the government. I just wonder how people would react if I said I did.

VLOG!

So, I'm trying this Vlogging thing. Let me know what you think.